A Thousand Miles

Thursday, April 5, 2012

"#2" @ 3:55 AM

At this hour, wee hours of late night, early morning. I'm having difficult on thoughts. Am I being too selfish taking things on my own, going on my own pace most of the time, convincing myself where things are fine which they are factually don't. I assumed things were simple, used to live for myself once, then I lived for others, now I'm living for no one - my pace. Reminisced those days where I struggled so hard, whole-heartedly believing its truth, that someday the wish will come true. Work hard to secure the future, bring comfort and an easier life to my family, awe the fair maiden and least satisfy some dreams I had. Thought of the golden years where I'm seating on a swing, with my grandson. The place was nice, peaceful and green. Wind breezes blew soft against my skin as the sun began to set bottom. Orange-painted color filled the sky with some visible clouds dispersed around the sight; as I told my grandson those days I have lived through, those journeys I had came across and how I met your grandma, as I pat his head gazing on the falling sun.

Even now, it kept me wondering. Where had that spirit went? Weakness in me I know all so well, taking any more extra time to make change is too late - just let it go naturally. Confidence, seeking of what's gone by yesterday, pathetic. That year, I made it. It was perfect, I prayed so hard during the trip there to receive the judgement everyone's been waiting for months. To my surprised, everything was worth it. That tough period, that strong believe. That moment, it feels as though all that's withheld within me was let off. It was refreshing, tears of joy did not flow at my cheeks, probably because I believed it was something deserving. Where there were no false hope of pure luck, flukes whatsoever. Dissenting views from some who thought that it was just some small fry, made my heart ache a little. Thinking of the days back then which I worked so hard for that led me to what I deserved. Those who got it just because of luck, I felt a light sense of unfair treatment I do not deserve. However, there sure was nothing I should complain about as I'd made it full - perfect. The rest would be if I'd awarded national award, which is straightly speaking, long odds.

Spilling straight thoughts and sudden thoughts of imaginations does make me feel better, it feels as though I had been living in the moment. As words written down, every single one, makes history - trace. Now then, should get ready for bed, don't wanna oversleep and miss class. There's challenge everyday, not so big deal but I guess its a matter of personal principle - if not I don't think I'd care. Last thoughts, I will strive and perform, do well and then go to her. Just not now. GN#

Sunday, March 18, 2012

"These past 8 months" @ 1:57 PM

I have come to my senses, being lost after a long while. Clear that there has been so much that I had missed out, be it life, dreams or reality. What happened to future which I desired when I was gazing it, seeing it coming realised, planning the steps, setting up the trails during the days when I was still a kid.

A blazing sun, on top of my head. I raised my hands hiding my eyes from the all-so bright rays of the sunshine. Clouds, among the skies resonating with the sun beside it, slightly apart.

This is a story, of a boy and his wish. His wish was like no other, nor like any other. He does not wish to become a star like MJ, a brave hero who saves others we see those days in movies the likes of Japan during Heian era, being a protaganist in a somewhat fairy-tale, a renowned philosopher in life or to be the smartest human being in the planet. His wish was ordinary and plain simple, yet difficult and vary in different aspect as to others. What he wants was just to be remembered; either written down, where one could be trailed in the human history; significant enough that people would remember him whether by interest or through his life-work. Maybe, I thought; that boy just want to be less...insignificant.
Boy-a, will you be able to walk down the path you see, find path that you seek and triumph over it? And so the boy sets apart and begins his day. #

Sunday, July 24, 2011

"New Site Coming!" @ 11:54 PM

Heyy, I'm back! :D

Quit blogging for few months and I have finally decided to come back and blog again! Muahaha! This time I'm planning to fill the blog with more content sharings, more photos and less WORDS! And I'll be moving all my posts to a new site, however now still under construction. Might be ready by early next month, I guess. Many things had happened recently, fun and laughters and lots of new things, people and experiences I encounter througout these days. And not to mention new friends, too!

Gahh..That's all for now,
Stay Tuned!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

"I love my friend" @ 9:14 PM

Can I love you right about now?
If you leave a little bit of me in your embrace and leave
You know how much pain that will cause my heart
I love you, let's start again
All I've ever done was make things hard for you but
I love my friend
I can't without you
If our love is like a fixed destiny

I wished.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"A Bad Dream" @ 1:33 AM

As time goes by, I began staring at the girl. She was my so called "good friend". Although we know each other only the start of the year. I stared at her once a while; on her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. -that we're just friends, and nothing more.

A coincidence, a fortune or a luck draws; while looking around, a sudden glimpse from my eyes meets as she checked on her phone. 'Husband', a contact name was written there, mind told me, 'It is okay and you should've known that'. Pretend unnoticed, and kept in my inner-conflicts, placing my usual self on stage. Truth tells; I wanted to ask her, I wanted her to know, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

On this special day, 15th, we went for a lunch and a LA movie, she walked up to me, right at my side and close in distance, without any hesitance. As we smiled and laughed along the walkway unfazed by the flow of time. That moment; I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I like her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Many days since then, many times seemed; I was covetous, jealous -as I saw my closest friend hanging near her. Even that I know I was being foolish, convinced myself that nothing could've happen between, but the latter declines. My sight blinded as enviness deepens, my heart, a wild turbulent formed. My facial expression, depressed and sometimes cold, bearing inside a pain held in my chest.

Maybe all was just a bad dream, maybe it was only me. She didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. A day passed, then a week, then a month, I pretend to be just friend, as she wanted. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Maybe, maybe we weren't meant to be.

21st now, I told myself, I will stay on by her side, we may not be; but as hope still I see. I will wait till the time where all dreams lives.
I will not emo again,

-JasonT

Thursday, April 14, 2011

"Times." @ 3:59 AM

I thought, maybe i was a sadist.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

"2 Sides of Love" @ 3:09 AM

His side
-"tell her how you feel" is what my friends said
-so i picked up the phone
-called your house
-you answerd
-i said "i love you"
-and hung up right after
-the next day
-i told you it was a bet from a friend
-it was partly true
-but you didnt answer
-no sassy come back which you always do
-just stood there
-then walked away

My side
-he called my house
-i picked up
-he told me he loved me
-then hung up
-the next day
-i was going to tell you i loved you back
-but you said it was a bet
-i had everything planned out
-every move i planned
-every word
-but when you said that...
-i had nothing to say
-i stood and watched you
-as you broke my heart